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Q: Why can Jews never be mugged on Yom Kippur?

A: Because we fast!

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Two little old ladies were attending a rather long Shul service.

One leaned over and whispered, "My tuchas (rear end in Yiddish) is going to sleep."

"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times."

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Sarah the wife, chewed out Morris, her husband, at the company picnic.

"Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???"

"Not a bit," Morris replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate again for you!"

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When the heir to the Rothschild fortune visited a poor Jewish village near Budapest, the locals poured out to greet him. With all due ceremony, he was given a small parade, met with the mayor, and awarded a key to the city.

At the local inn, he ordered some roast chicken for brunch. When he finished, he received a bill larger than the most expensive bottle of wine his family sold.

"This is outrageous!" Rothschild shouted at the innkeeper. "Never in my life have I been charged so much for a roast chicken! Are chickens that rare around here?"

"Not at all," said the innkeeper reassuringly. "But millionaires --- ah, they are a rarity!"

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Professional Jewish athlete, winner of Davis Cup, America Cup, Stanley Cup.
Seeking non-Jewish woman. Goyishe Cup. POB 58

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Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.

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A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!"

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."

"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."

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My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."

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A guy walks into a doctor’s office and says' "Doc, you gotta help me, I have a strawberry growing out of my head."

Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

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A Blond pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,

"What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

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