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Question of the Month

By Aron Moss

Answer:

But when someone says, "I can't eat anything here, I keep kosher," the reaction is rarely so tame. For some reason, Jews feel challenged by another Jew being more observant than they are, and often take it as a personal attack. To your sister, when you say you can't eat her food it is as if you are saying that she is not good enough for you, that she's not a real Jew like you. You were talking about your own eating habits, but she is hearing a judgment on her Jewish identity.

This is not a rational reaction. Perhaps in you she hears the subconscious voice of her own Jewish soul, yearning to live a more Jewish life. Whatever it is, your job is to diffuse the situation. You have to make it clear that by keeping kosher you are in no way judging or condemning anyone else, you have merely made a decision about your own observance. You are not asking anyone to change their ways, but only to respect the change that you have made.

It is your responsibility to maintain good relations with your family, and to achieve this you should be willing to bend over backwards. Continue to visit your sister, and organise kosher food for yourself. Be as accommodating and undemanding as you can. If you handle it right, it will bring the family closer, because you will come to respect and understand each other better than before.

The kosher diet is spiritual. It doesn't promise to make you lose weight or feel healthy, but it is supposed to refine the spirit. Be a living example of a refined kosher soul with the way you treat your family.