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Who shall ascend the mountain?
By Zalman Eisenstock
It is the month of Elul again-the end of one year. In the distance I can hear the shrill sound of the shofar announcing without any words that the new year is fast approaching. And I try to look inside, searching where I am, where I have been and where I am going. It is so painful and difficult for there are so many layers that block the path of discovery. But I do not give up until I hear a voice in the background asking:
"Who shall ascend the mountain of the L-rd and who shall stand in the place of His sanctuary?"
I want to ascend, to be in a better place. And so I start taking small steps forward ever so hesitatingly. But wait-how do I know which path is for me? And how do I know that I will not fall from the mountain? It was so safe down below where I had always been.
And then I hear yet another voice that says:
"Only one who has clean hands and a pure heart shall ascend!"
I cry and feel despair for who on earth can say he fits such a description. Yet, the voice is still calling, beckoning-seeming to wait and see if I will try again to ascend, to move forward.
From the depths of my own soul a voice calls out:
"Lift up your heads, O gates of heaven. Give me the opportunity for one moment of spiritual strength."
And I realize that I do not stand alone ascending that mountain, for along this path have come previous generations. Generations of holy men and women who dedicated their lives for lofty goals.
I wait to see if the gates of heaven will open up, if not for my sake, then for the sake of my ancestors. But there is no movement; the gates seem shut tight, and I wonder if I should keep trying
I look up again checking how far I have to go, and how much I have progressed, and again I reach very deep to call out one last time:
"Lift up your heads again, O gates and tell me whether to continue this battle. I have so little strength left…
It is then that I understand that I am not at the end of the struggle, but at the very beginning, and all beginnings are filled with trials. The path is clear to me. I must keep moving forward at my pace and my speed. The gates that seemed so tightly shut are now slightly open calling for me to continue to ascend.
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from the September 2011 Edition of the Jewish Magazine
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